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As you might already know, from July 26-29 John Kerry and thousands of his proletarian-sympathizing cohorts will convene in Boston for the Democratic National Convention (DNC). There they will craft their platform for the future and articulate it to America's masses. One of our inside sources has obtained a secret copy of their platform, and it is ominous indeed. High on their agenda will be:

• repealing Bush's tax cut for the wealthiest 1% instead of extending it
• increasing the minimum wage instead of abolishing it and legalizing child labor
• affordable healthcare instead of letting the free market decide who's healthy
• funding for public education instead of no-bid contracts for Halliburton
• denying air and water the benefits of toxic-enhancement

It couldn't be clearer: John Kerry wants nothing more than to scrap the incredible progress our nation has made over the last four years. He is a class-traitor who will return America to the grubby hands of the great unwashed middle-class masses.

Billionaires, it is our sacred duty as guardians of privilege and power to defend the Bush administration from this barbaric electoral challenge. We therefore call upon all loyal People of Wealth to defy the Democratic National Convention and converge on the streets of Boston for a Million Billionaire March on July 27. Billionaires from Beverly Hills to Grosse Pointe to Wall Street will fire champagne corks at the misguided simpletons nominating John Kerry and launch our "Get on the Limo" swing state tour.

Jet to Boston for the March!

The Boston Million Billionaire March will take place Tuesday, July 27, at 6:30pm. We will begin at the Rowes Wharf at conclude at the Massachusetts GOP headquarters, where prominent reporters on our payroll will carefully write down our message and photograph us as we present the Bush campaign with a check for "Whatever it takes" to ensure another four years of no-bid contracts and off-shore tax havens.

NOTE: The New York Times and Boston Globe have incorrectly reported that the March will begin at 4:00pm. Ignore these reports. Also note that these papers have not yet been swallowed by media megaconglomerates and are therefore of vastly inferior quality.

Various other events throughout the week of the DNC are currently being organized, including tentatively:

Tues, July 27, 8:30pm-midnight: Million Billionaire March after-party with Run Against Bush @ the Black Rose in Faneuil Hall.

Weds, July 28, 10:15am: Limo Tour kickoff and joint press conference on "The New Grassroots" with ActBlue, DemSwingers, DrivingVotes, ReDefeatBush, et al. At the Old West Church, 131 Cambridge Street, Boston.

Wed, July 28th, TBA: "Billionaires for Bio-Labs in Other People's Backyards" support rally for the proposed Roxbury bio lab. Email seymour@billionairesforbush.com for details.

Wed., July 28th, 6pm-midnight: Performance at The Sideshow multimedia extravaganza, "A Rollicking Alternative to Pomp and Pompous Speeches". At the Jorge Hernandez Cultural Center, 85 W. Newton St., Boston’s historic South End, $5 to $10.

If you plan to attend the Million Billionaire March, please RSVP by sending your name and phone number to dnc@billionairesforbush.com.

If you'd like to travel to Boston for the Million Billionaire March and need lodging, or if you live in the Boston area and have room for another Billionaire in your mansion, or for general inquiries, contact Seymour Benjamins.